26 and decreasing

Salaam. Alhamdulillah, yesterday was my 26th birthday and actually it doesn't really matter much to me. At least not anymore. Because I've got my revert day nowadays tehee.. birthdays to me are not anymore important than ordinary days. Perhaps some birthdays are significant to others but certainly not mine.

But the fact that I already lived for 26 years without much contribution to the well being of the world, to Islam, at at least to my family, is a bit disturbing, and resentful. Living for another year means that I'm one year out of sand! (in the sand glass). And I don't know how much sand do I have left too. This shouldn't be the issue though because it already settled four years and seven months ago. It's just that thinking that meeting my Creator while I'm not as clean is overwhelmingly fearful.

These time of the year sure is gloomy, reminding me of so many things that happened like since the beginning of time. There are days that I miss some that left yet again. Luckily, alhamdulillah, I have my kind, sweet and beautiful wife by my side. Oh! and the little baby in her belly of course! Its already been 7 months and in a couple of months we'll be expecting the baby in sya Allah. Life has been changing like superfast and I know it will never be the same again. Honestly that scares me. But then again, like an english proverb said, "No one like changes, except babies in diaper."

So here we go again, while trying to figure things out, lets pray that Allah eases our path to His mercy.

With Much Love,
Abu Razin.

redha

"[...] pena telah terangkat, dan lembaran tulisan pun telah kering."




Demikian sabda Rasulullah saw. Segala sesuatu yang terjadi, dan tidak terjadi di dunia ini adalah di atas percaturan Allah belaka. Tidak mengira dari sekecil-kecil sehinggalah sebesar-besar perkara, dan tiadalah kita mampu untuk menangkap hikmah di setiap kejadian melainkan atas izin-Nya jua.




Kita terkadang lupa, Allah-lah penentu segala. Kita sangka Allah menakdirkan sebahagian perkara sahaja. Tetapi ternyata hakikatnya bukan begitu. Kenyataan bahawa anda sedang membaca blog ini adalah contoh. Anda tidak menyangkanya bukan, bahkan pasti ada yang langsung tidak pernah terfikirkan. Begitu juga dengan segala pertemuan, yang terkadang kita cuba sangat untuk menghindari, lalu takdir Allah mendahului kita. Saya yakin pasti ada hikmahnya.




Kelmarin saya mencari lirik nasyid 'Perjuangan' oleh Saff One, dan Allah menakdirkan saya bertemu dengan artikel di bawah ini:




Kerana manisnya perjuangan dalam kegetiran, Muhajirin diangkat darjatnya, ahli Badar diampunkan kesalahan dan dijanjikan syurga. Menjadi kumpulan elit dalam sejarah perjuangan Rasulullah SAW. Yakin apa sahaja yang berlaku adalah atas percaturan Allah SWT. Makhluk tidak dapat memberikan bekas melainkan sekadar yang diizinkan oleh Allah.




Kerana ketaatan yang tidak berbelah bagi kepada Allah, Siti Hajar rela ditinggalkan bersama anaknya Ismail di tanah yang tandus kerana yakin Allah tidak akan mempersia-siakannya dan anaknya.




Kerana ketaatan yang tidak berbelah bagi Nabi Ismail sanggup disembelih oleh Nabi Ibrahim.




Kerana ketaatan yang tidak berbelah bagi Maryam taat dengan perintah Allah untuk mengoyangkan pohon kurma dalam keadaan lapar dan sarat mengandung walaupun pohon kurma itu tersangat keras. Berkat keyakinan dengan apa yang Allah perintahkan beberapa biji kurma gugur dengan izin Allah.




Bagaimana dengan kita? Sejauh manakah kita merealisasikan sami'na waatho'na , kami dengar kami taat. Ya Allah jadikanlah kami dari kalangan orang yang banyak bertaubat dan jadikanlah kami dari kalangan orang yang menyucikan diri. Ameen.




Untuk renungan bersama :




Hadis Ibn Abbas yg dikeluarkan oleh Imam atTermidzi ( 2440) dan Musnad Imam Ahmad (2666)




'Suatu hari aku pernah berada di belakang Nabi shallallaahu'alaihi wa sallam lalu beliau bersabda :'Hai anak, aku akan mengajarkan kepadamu beberapa kalimat (artinya): Jagalah Allah, niscaya Dia akan menjagamu, Jagalah Allah niscaya kamu dapati Dia ada di hadapanmu, bila kamu meminta, mintalah kepada Allah, dan bila kamu minta pertolongan, mintalah pertolongan kepada Allah. Ketahuilah bahwa umat, seandainya mereka bersepakat untuk memberimu manfaat dengan sesuatu, niscaya mereka tidak akan dapat memberimu manfaat apa-apa kecuali dengan apa yang telah Allah taqdirkan buatmu, dan seandainya mereka bersepakat untuk mencelakakanmu dengan sesuatu, niscaya mereka tidak dapat mencelakakanmu sedikitpun kecuali dengan apa yang Allah telah taqdirkan atasmu, pena-pena telah terangkat, dan lembar tulisan pun telah kering.'


- Disember 2012

Messed up memories

Salaam!

Life has been insanely occupied with work and other responsibilities this past weeks that only yesterday I realised I missed the 15th May without even remembering that it was a very important date for me.. Not that it matters much, it's just a date anyway, what concerns me is that I don't think I can leave my piling projects for these next weeks.

Work is fun though, get to meet and interact with other people, of mostly older age. Its funny too when many of my colleagues are my dad's ex-classmates at college. But hey! Yesterday there's this dad's friend that asked me how many child do I have. Strange. I mean its the first time am asked with that question, usually its that 'when will you get married' type lol. Soon insyaAllah. I guess I dont look that young anymore XD

Anyway, driving through the nostalgic road home, I can't help it but to let my mind wander on its own, to the time that I can no longer trace, seeing people that I don't seem to remember if they're still alive or already passed away. And there's these bulky things amassing within my chest that I can't seem to translate into words, and sometimes its sad to know that people won't understand my silence (even when I know I can't understand their's). And there's these problems that I know I'm not wise enough to deal with, which I think for now I'm just wise enough to stop wanting to know..

These days are getting gloomy ain't it..

Missing You

Sometimes,
There are days that I miss You so much
that I cant help but to wish that you take me home,
More often,
there are days that I miss the devoted me so much
that I don't seem to know who I am now
And nowadays,
it felt like something is missing
that I cant seem to understand why or how..

My Rabb, allow me to keep on turning to You, before I return to You.

"I want to die with my forehead on the ground,

Allah on my mind,

the sunnah of Rasulullah saw in my heart,

Quran on my tongue,

tears in my eyes,

and a smile on my lips."

Just some random thoughts

Salaam!

Life's been fully packed, hardly have the time to write again nowadays, though at times I really feel that I want to say about soooo many things. Actually in some occasions I DO have the time but somehow I'm not in the condition to write anything. So tonight I guess I have both the time and will insyaAllah ':D

First of all, yesterday I met an old friend from middle school, a hostel mate. I was unable to recognize him at first while shaking hands with him before the Maghrib prayer, but when I do, he asked, "Is this real? Is this real?!" I don't quite understand but looking back, we're both reverts so somehow I think I know what he meant. As hostelites, we were quite close since we spent so much time doing sports together. To think that we would stand side by side worshipping our Creator, this was never expected or imagined. Sure made us feel very grateful that He chose us among many others to become Muslims. A good reminder for us to thank Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon us and oh, becoming a Muslim is one of the greatest blessings that we should be grateful of. :)

Up next, I'll be completing half of my deen soon insyaAllah. Apart from don't know what to do or what to think, I'm not that clueless to not understand how some people feel. I know this will be hard, I know that things wont be the same again, but what can I accomplish? I don't think I can repair those hopes some people put on me so yeah, while I'm powerless my kind thoughts and du'as are with you guys. InsyaAllah I will try my best to make this work, the things that is in front of me. Make du'as for me too, I will need them.

Soon it will be my fourth years as a Muslim too. Never thought that I'll live this long. I'm always amused by the quote of one sahabah that said if he is able to finish the date he is chewing, verily he had lived a very long life. So the time is as good as any other time for us to ask ourselves, have we spent our time wisely? Though I'm honestly still feel disappointed with myself upon the rights that I failed to fulfill. For that, I truly hope that I'm forgiven..

Gloomy day

Salaam.

The office is gloomy. One of our colleagues passed away today.. She's in he early fourties I guess, and I didnt get the chance to know her that close. I was put outside of her office before I was assigned to another unit. That was about five months ago. We did spent some time chatting though, and I know that they was very close. That's why I can imagine how they felt on a day like today. She suffered cancer and been on a sick leave for a few months, only managed to pay her a visit once last week.

Upon hearing the news this morning, we went to her brother's place to pay our respect and pray for her. Made me wonder, when will my time come?

Death..
If you prepare for it,
or you dont prepare for it,
it will come,
prepare for it anyway..

People..
If you treat them kindly,
or you dont treat them kindly,
they will leave,
be kind to them anyway..

Independence Day

Salaam! Sure its been a while.. (again)

The past few weeks has been very hectic because of the impending Brunei's National Day celebration which is... TOMORROW! Its quite fun though, got the chance to meet so many people again after so long. Finally I was able to spend what little time I've got with the people that I haven't meet for ages ranging from former teachers, friends and students. With time passing swiftly, and everyone's got things to do, I was so happy to meet again after so many years.

Looking back, people sure can change a lot, amongst them - us. Off course its not about the time, but rather about the situations the we're being put in, the decree bestowed upon us and most importantly, its about us becoming the better version of ourselves. For me, I'm very happy and especially grateful that I've been given the chance start anew and mend (or at least tried) those mistakes with whatever strength and time that I am lent. I'm very grateful that I can improve my relationship with other people especially my family even if it's just a little.

You know, I've always been thinking that my parents will feel very lonely if its just me around. I don't talk much, don't react much either. I'm a person who can live a number of days without talking, effortlessly :p Not only that, I think I'm becoming more affectionate too especially towards the aged and the young ones. Today I'm very happy that I can have breakfast again with the 86 years old grandpa after the congregational Subuh prayer and a short tadarrus. Being unable to see him for quite some time because of his sickness and my absence, only then I realised that I loved him like my own grandad. I've got moms at the office too! People treating you like their own child is very touching from my point of view. Perhaps we needed each other to replace those we've missed, and mend what's been broken.

Its been quite difficult for me too when the time comes to leave home. Being only able to take a close look at those nephews once every two or three weeks, they seemed to have grew much every time I see them. Once playtime is over, I'll just have to bid my family goodbye and quietly make my move to the car through the back door or else those poor child will cry ':-D

There are days that I begin to loose track of myself, writing just happen to be a good way to remind me of who I am. I think I've scribbled long enough, just a good flashback of my independence day, that's where it all begun. When we surrender ourselves to Allah, only then we will attain our freedom.