#12. from your dad

 Assalaamu'alaikum WBT.

"Someday I wish I am lucky enough to live a life like of my wife and children..." 

Dear Khaulah,

How have you been? Grammatically, if someone asked you this question, it needs an answer much longer than a simple "ok" or "good". It means that we haven't been meeting for a long time and you need to tell me how your life has been lately. But have it been that long? Who knows. Maybe by the time you read this letter its been a decade or two since it is written and for a moment that long, there's no way for us to know what happened in between.

Quite a while ago, I came across that quote up there shared by childhood friend of mine who is now a father of two. It is easy to remember that quote especially for us dads. That saying up there sure made me think hard and choose between satisfying my emotion and selfishness or to feed my logic and selflessness.

Looking at the dads around me, I can tell their struggle to maintain the family, to feed them and provide for them. But no, though part of it may be true, but I don't think all dads wish a life like their wives or children. It is enough for them to see their family live happily and achieve success in their field, and as for themselves at least to be appreciated. Of course as a Muslim we pray that the wife and children help us to attain Jannah too, or at least not pushing us towards hellfire wal'iyadzubillah.

As for my old friend, I can understand how it feels though.. Its just that being disrespected after eating so little so that your family can eat more, or spending much less so that your family can spend more, buys better clothes, or simply lives better, is plain painful. I bet the you who is two years old right now can understand too! Haha..

You see, when we're little, our dad gave the family, gave us all of his earnings so that we live a better life than his. Then when we're old, we gave all our earnings to our family and child, only giving back to our father a little or not at all. Dads sure sacrificed a lot.

But wait, I'm not saying that sacrifices made my dads are superior. In fact its the opposite. Dads may be the leader of the house but there's a reason why in Islam a child is commanded to give good companionship to the mom thrice as of the father's (HR Bukhari, Muslim), putting Jannah at her feet and placing caring for her over a war fi sabilillah (HR Tirmidhi).

Let me repeat the quote again :

"Someday I wish I am lucky enough to live a life like of my wife and children..."

What is the definition of life that is used in this quotation?

Moms would never make a sentence like this to reclaim their life.

Indeed it was for us whom was in her belly that the scratches or cuts on her body won't heal. Even in cellular level our mom have already sacrificed for us, prioritizing the little us over herself. Her immune system stooped so low focusing on the little being inside her belly. MasyaAllah just this one example is already mind boggling how beautiful Allah's decree are. Of course there are other things too that not need to be said by me. You're a girl Khaulah, you will know :)

I'm just saying, appreciate all the sacrifices that people make. Perhaps what they endure in doing so is a test from Allah, and it might be the heaviest thing for them. Because Allah tests us, His servants, right at our weakest spot.

Love,

Dad.

We have enjoined on man Kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years he says "O my Lord! grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed upon me and upon both my parents and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

[Al-Ahqaf : 15]