Messed up memories

Salaam!

Life has been insanely occupied with work and other responsibilities this past weeks that only yesterday I realised I missed the 15th May without even remembering that it was a very important date for me.. Not that it matters much, it's just a date anyway, what concerns me is that I don't think I can leave my piling projects for these next weeks.

Work is fun though, get to meet and interact with other people, of mostly older age. Its funny too when many of my colleagues are my dad's ex-classmates at college. But hey! Yesterday there's this dad's friend that asked me how many child do I have. Strange. I mean its the first time am asked with that question, usually its that 'when will you get married' type lol. Soon insyaAllah. I guess I dont look that young anymore XD

Anyway, driving through the nostalgic road home, I can't help it but to let my mind wander on its own, to the time that I can no longer trace, seeing people that I don't seem to remember if they're still alive or already passed away. And there's these bulky things amassing within my chest that I can't seem to translate into words, and sometimes its sad to know that people won't understand my silence (even when I know I can't understand their's). And there's these problems that I know I'm not wise enough to deal with, which I think for now I'm just wise enough to stop wanting to know..

These days are getting gloomy ain't it..

Missing You

Sometimes,
There are days that I miss You so much
that I cant help but to wish that you take me home,
More often,
there are days that I miss the devoted me so much
that I don't seem to know who I am now
And nowadays,
it felt like something is missing
that I cant seem to understand why or how..

My Rabb, allow me to keep on turning to You, before I return to You.

"I want to die with my forehead on the ground,

Allah on my mind,

the sunnah of Rasulullah saw in my heart,

Quran on my tongue,

tears in my eyes,

and a smile on my lips."

Just some random thoughts

Salaam!

Life's been fully packed, hardly have the time to write again nowadays, though at times I really feel that I want to say about soooo many things. Actually in some occasions I DO have the time but somehow I'm not in the condition to write anything. So tonight I guess I have both the time and will insyaAllah ':D

First of all, yesterday I met an old friend from middle school, a hostel mate. I was unable to recognize him at first while shaking hands with him before the Maghrib prayer, but when I do, he asked, "Is this real? Is this real?!" I don't quite understand but looking back, we're both reverts so somehow I think I know what he meant. As hostelites, we were quite close since we spent so much time doing sports together. To think that we would stand side by side worshipping our Creator, this was never expected or imagined. Sure made us feel very grateful that He chose us among many others to become Muslims. A good reminder for us to thank Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon us and oh, becoming a Muslim is one of the greatest blessings that we should be grateful of. :)

Up next, I'll be completing half of my deen soon insyaAllah. Apart from don't know what to do or what to think, I'm not that clueless to not understand how some people feel. I know this will be hard, I know that things wont be the same again, but what can I accomplish? I don't think I can repair those hopes some people put on me so yeah, while I'm powerless my kind thoughts and du'as are with you guys. InsyaAllah I will try my best to make this work, the things that is in front of me. Make du'as for me too, I will need them.

Soon it will be my fourth years as a Muslim too. Never thought that I'll live this long. I'm always amused by the quote of one sahabah that said if he is able to finish the date he is chewing, verily he had lived a very long life. So the time is as good as any other time for us to ask ourselves, have we spent our time wisely? Though I'm honestly still feel disappointed with myself upon the rights that I failed to fulfill. For that, I truly hope that I'm forgiven..