the fall

Salaam.

Its been a while, isnt it?

Though actually Im a bit reluctant to write while my ruhi felt this weak, but this time I decided to write anyway. At times, we write not because we're strong but rather we write because we're weak, and apparently we have only Allah and ourselves to talk to.

Its been long, and there are things that should've been left behind long ago, but we didn't. And as we walked along this path, we grew, and it grew too, stronger, and it sticks! What can be done?

Our state have it ups and downs and apparently recently my fall had left a crack in my emaan. Should've tend to it immediately, what a mistake. Its scary how people can change, and its scary how my weak state affect those who are near.

But hey, I get to learn something, when you are broken, repair it immediately for if not, you'll get used to and thinks that you're okay. Just saying, so that you dear self, won't have to learn it the hard way again..

An uncle like that

It was a rainy day, and I was playing outside my grandparents' house, watching the raindrops fell to the earth after they banged the roof. I was three or four back then, and I remember that there was an ambulance at the parking lot. Then a man in white came out, he washed the orange stretcher with the water collected from the rain, blood stained the soil red. A car accident - that was how he passed away.

You know, I can't recall where did I told that story but since Im a bit lazy to search let me tell about it anyway (again?).

For the past years I thought that I totally forgotten about my late uncle, until mom talked about her deceased siblings. Looking back, im pretty confident that one of the earliest memory that I can access was.. him, who was at his late 20s.

I imagine that who he was to me is perhaps like.. who I am to my nephew? And that made me wonder, if my few years taught by him left a memory so deep, how did Rasulullah (saw) felt when his uncle who took care of him for a very long time passed away? I might only just realised this during these recent years, but losing someone close, to find out that they died not believing Allah, though its been long, and though I know that there's nothing can be done, but still.. it breaks me.

I can be denial but until when? I remember composing stories about my late uncle in my school work, how he died in doing his job catching criminals, he was a policeman by the way. Now here's my only chance, with the living. Dont care too much about the result, as long as I do my part it will turn out fine insyaAllah. Afterall, only Allah can give light to all hearts. Hey, I know a good place to start... Me! Be a better muslim please.