#23. Tortoises

In the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, The Most Beneficent.

Assalaamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh.

Dear Khaulah,

In a few more days you will be 3 years and 3 months old. Right now you are attending your kindergarten in the morning and daycare in the afternoon. Your mom and me really do hope that this is the best for you, Khaulah, for we were raised differently and we can't raise you up the way we were.

Back in our days in the village, we only begun attending school at 5 or 6 years old as preschoolers. Before that we would just stay at home accompanying our elders to anywhere they go haha.. especially to the hut in the farm. We even lived there for a few days per week, one of the sweetest memory ever! Back then there were no electricity and car, let alone gadgets that we have now. So what do we do instead? We catch fish, we grow fruits and vegetables, we play in the rain (which often dragged to the mud and eventually get scolded by mum) and we go to the houses of neighbors and relatives. I remember walking with my late grandmother to a house about 5km away when I was 4 years old. A habit that I kept even during early years of living at the hostel in middle school.

Oh back to now, we can see that you really like to play with the 'turtles' at your daycare, Khaulah. Haha those pair were actually tortoises. Oh anyway, do you know that tortoises, if taken care correctly, will often outlive their caretakers? Someone once wrote that it is humbling to care for an animal that reminds you, each day, of your own imminent death. Talking about them with you really made me lost in thought..

Ever since I embraced Islam, I tried as much to do works for Islam throughout this short life, and meeting individuals, men or women, whom I believe to walk the same path. But like a tortoise, as years passed, it's sad to see many of my friends fell... at the university, back at the district and now here. At the same time I'm scared that I might fail too. I just can't imagine living away from this path. What kind of life would it be? Is there any meaning in living that way? Is it because I am like a tortoise that I am still here? I know that I'm a bit slow, boring, don't have personality and don't really do anything, things you need to consider if you want to take tortoises as pet':D I pray to Allah to keep us steadfast on this long road and make those who fell stand up and return to His path.

Right now I do feel old, Khaulah, going through each experience slowly while looking back at what my parents went through while raising me too. Do you still remember a few days ago you wanted to buy milk and I said I have no money? You cried so hard that I felt really guilty and bought it for you anyway, with the money to buy you your lunch. I won't be mad at you though because as I said, I made my parents did the same thing on a more expensive thing! Gotta say sorry and thank them for that hehe.. I'll just need to expect more to come xD

Uh oh finally, all these discussions regarding furthering my studies abroad is making me anxious. With my role at the Muallaf Youth Club, which I think is a thing that only me can do, I can't just carelessly leave all the hard work of many people go wasted. That's why I left the other teams to begin with, though in secrecy I always keep tabs on their updates. Lets pray that Allah gives us what best for our dunia and akhirah. Aameen.

Love,
Dad.