#14. Muhammad

Assalaamu'alaikum WBT.

Dear Khaulah,

How are things going for you right now? Alhamdulillah 'alaa kulli haal, today marks the 29th day of Ramadhan and could be the last day before Syawal. If the moon is sighted later this afternoon, then tomorrow we will be celebrating Eid insyaAllah. Oh you are celebrating them right now at the daycare by the way :)

I recall 7 years ago, towards the ending of my first Ramadhan, my chest felt so constricted and crammed with so much feelings at once. Then during the Eid prayer, everything bursted and tears wont stop coming out. That was the feeling of sadness because Ramadhan left (without bringing me), and sheer gratefullness because Allah have chosen me to become Muslim that year and allowed me to greet then say farewell to Ramadhan. Ah so sweet a memory.

This year I might did more than back then, but compared to the knowledge that I have now on things that I should be doing, it felt like I accomplished nothing this Ramadhan, and that frustrates me. I know that I'm having less time to recite Quran, i'tikaf or sleepover at the masjid, or the other things that we usually do because I have to care for the household, you and your mom whom Allah tests with sickness right now, but still sometimes its hard for me to wheedle my own feelings.

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During the earlier days as a Muslim, I actually prefered to be called with the first word of my 'new' name - Muhammad, especially during teaching practice and short programmes. The students then would refer me as Sir Muhammad or Cikgu Muhammad. Thats how deep my love of the owner of the name, and how much I want to meet him and be like him, our Prophet SAW.

Honestly, after how things have been lately, my resentment was soothed just by asking myself "What would Muhammad S.A.W do in this situation?" And of course he did every kind things, the kindest ways possible! The same with how he cared for his family. I really hope that by doing this, Allah grants me forgiveness this Ramadhan.

May Allah lift the afflictions on your mom, and with it forgives all her sins. May we have the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year. And thank you Khaulah, for being so much help at home :)

Love,
Dad.